The Time that's gone

A flash player. It's Adobe Flash Player or even better, better than any player available and there is a flash file being played, don't know what the creator of the file had named it, may be "Don’t worry It happens to everyone, to you too". There are pictures, hazaar of them, there are videos having people moving things here or there, there are abrupt changes from one slide to another. I feel this was the life I had spent, more than this I feel I want to spend that life again, again all throughout my life.

I don’t know whether something of this sort had happened to you or anyone, but it keeps happening to me. I keep catching the glimpse of the time that I have spent. I think this is some kind of a disease I am having, as the Dyslexia Ishaan had in TZP, (you don’t think it’s same? This way it will sound same: he was a normal child but only some tuning of brain was required). I have the similar case or maybe not. It has prolonged so much that the condition is now out of control.

The above mentioned sequence often used to cover my sight whenever I used to take a break and sit( or stand(or walk(or lay down)))(3 closing braces required!!! Lemme check! Yeah.) idle (uff... it doesn’t give continuity... please read sit as sit/stand/walk/lay down)... so I write it again.... The above mentioned sequence often used to cover my sight whenever I used to take a break and sit idle. I see myself moving in the streets of Basvangudi (FYI, location of my first rented flat in Bangalore) or eating in the restaurants of Indiranagar, or buying popcorns in the theatres of Kota, or staring the cemented basketball court of DPS Adityapuram while my teacher is scolding me or banging ceramic cups with friends in room no 61 of my college. There was time I often used to live in the past and come back to the present. But now, things are getting worse. I often find myself living in present while I am still living in my past.

My ignorance had mended the way for the disease to grow more than I ever expected. Now I see the images everywhere, every time and in everything I do, whether I ride on bike, whether I type this or that, whether I listen to music (music is one big player in it... I don’t know how this thing works but even sound of a string makes me nostalgic of the old times) , whether I jump into an old friends profile, whether I read scrap conversation of two people or whether I see myself in the mirror. The frequency has just got higher and still raising high.

I thought writing this would help me but... but it has made it worse. What do I do? I want to be normal, enjoy my present as I enjoyed my past. I don’t want to regret later in life to have missed this time. Am I not happy with my life that I am remembering those days of my life, but I remember all days, both good and bad ones? Or is it that I want to make amendments in my past life to make all those days to good ones. But the reasons are not the issue here. Or maybe they are, as I want to destroy the reasons from the root. I am confused. I should not write more... it’s a bad thing to show everyone you are confused. I am not writing further, but I am still writing. It should not end abruptly, but this is how things are in reality and so is this post, ending....