The Instigation of a Culmination

Imagine yourself voyaging on a ship for five and a half long years. Sometimes you have the destination decided, and you move towards it, though still not sure you will get to them. And you try reaching it and sometimes you do. But most of the time you just feel like to go along the wave to the place so unknown, so leaded, so magnetizing. When you boarded the ship you didn’t know many people, and those you knew were just that you knew as people. But with the course of time and the sail, you meet people who boarded before you and also after you. You become close to few, closer to still a few and detested to some.

You find people of your likes, your tastes and your thoughts. You find people attracting you with their intelligence, with their cool behaviors, and with their attitudes. Few mesmerize you with their looks. And you know there are still more few people on board in some corner of the ship, you need to see. You have fun, freak out, eat, drink, sleep, roam around, flirt around with people, play, fight, annoy, crack jokes and do thousands of other things with the people on board. You learn many things. You get used to things so much that you can’t imagine yourself sailing without them, or rather you can’t imagine seeing yourself without them. You get so attached to the ship that you pronoun it as your own possession.

And then a day comes, when you are realized that this isn’t the place you belong to. You are confided that you boarded the ship to leave it someday. That day you find out that the place you consider your world, where you dreamt your future is just a dream in reality. A dream you had lived so long, so completely with, so much enjoyed it that you don’t want to wake up to drop the dream in the air. But life isn’t about sleeping, it is about moving ahead. I know, for me this dream had been so treasuring that even after I get away from the ship, I will be never forgetting it throughout my life. A part of me wants to go ahead and have all together a new air in the life but a major part of me still wants to be in this dream, voyaging places all the time.


Walking on the street I asked myself what makes me,
What is the conviction around that reveals the real me?
The vagueness of my random ideas and stimulations
are really real, or just a theater show at the matinee?

With a hollow wish, I have decided to move ahead
and leave the place I had been living in for so long
It’s not just the place, but also the happiness that
I am leaving behind to create new delights along.

Walking on the same street, I whispered myself
It’s not just me who abides but also are others.
This street will also be longing to endure my feet
as I pine for its ups and downs, twists and turns.

When I hide my face in the darkness of this night
to wipe the tears rolling down my swollen eye.
With the lamp of hope lighting in the dimming dusk
I wish to come back to the place I will now deprive.

Kahanii DP ki

DP: in school

The DP that I knew was not very famous in school other than to his few close friends. DP was very shy. He had switched many schools from his kindergarten to his High Schools. DP, in his earliest days of school, had very few friends. One among them was Amit, followed by some Surname (with no offense, a Sindhi Surname, ending in “ani”)

Amit was not from a well-to-do family, unlike DP, but still he used to get hot food when he used to return from school (that too unlike DP). But DP was happy being friends with him, and in fact he had only that one friend in two classes in primary school, and then they moved off. Amit’s father got transferred to some other place, still unknown to DP and to us. And with no Internet facilities at that point of time, they could never keep track of each other.

Then, life had to move on, and he had a new friend. This new guy was Rishab. Rishab was a charm of the class. There were many girls, who later became friends with DP too, having crush on Rishab. There were many things that have made these two chaps so good a friend of each other. Firstly, their houses weren’t too far. Secondly, both were in the same class, in the same section, on the same bench, and had always secured almost the same marks. They often switched first and second positions in primaries. Now when I think of them, my beliefs in friendship grow high. Contrasting to others, they used to help each other get to the first position. Something, that’s very rare to see even in real brothers.

Thirdly, both of Rishab’s parents were working. And may be the most important aspect resulted in their close friendship. As DP was not allowed to program night outs with his friends, he used to enjoy his after-school-afternoons. The time just used to flow smoothly. DP used to come from school, to have food at his home (and sometimes, at Rishab’s place) and leave to Rishab’s place. Both of them first used to do their homework, have tea, or coffee, or sometimes even plain milk and play with Rishab’s cousins, living next doors. Something that ran constantly throughout this time was The Idiot Box, unless otherwise, they played an outdoor game.

DP started enjoying those days. He had got someone he could share his works, his responsibilities, his feelings. Someone only few people get. But may be that wasn’t what everyone accepted.

To be continued…

kahanii DP ki

DP: in his home

DP had been with his parents for all through his life. He had not spent a single day without being with one of his parents. His family however, never pampered him. He used to eat already prepared and preserved food for his lunch when he returned from school. There was not a single instance when he had been give freshly cooked food after having a tiring day in school. He, sometimes, used to get down to one of his friend’s place after school. He seriously used to love it.

DP had been proscribed for many things he wanted to do, many things he enjoyed doing. He was not allowed to effect a night out, even when he was in High Schools. Many knew the reason was that his mom was a bit skeptical, actually a lot skeptical about these night outs. She used to think that in these night outs, kids watch those serials/movies they shouldn’t, read those magazines that she used to call as stance-spoiler. Well, being an active part of such night outs, I think she wasn’t wrong though.

But DP wanted to do it once and actually should have been allowed for at least one night out. He had struggled in many exams just all alone as he wasn’t allowed to be with friends after 2130 hrs. Yet, believe me, he stilled loved his family more than I do.

But so for it, he never complained of it. And, he always showed to others that being loved by parents is not just getting hot food, iPods, cameras and other goodies. In fact, his story truly describes that being loved by parents, or in that any case, by anyone is not giving and taking stuffs, but giving and taking love and care. He just loved his family being together in all phases of life. He admired them arguing, and sometimes having altercations, just in the end to say sorry to each other.

I tried to figure out many times what was that he loved so much about his family. But today, while writing this I realized that their love was not a thing that wanted a reason, that their love wasn’t something they wanted to measure, that their love wasn’t a feeling that needed explicit proofs. I realized that they never wanted a reason to repel from each other.

Kahanii DP ki

P R E F A C E

This is the story of a guy called DP, (DP? What a crappy name!!) Many had actually tried to find out what DP stands for but that’s all in vain. It wasn’t either his initials. But these things are now irrelevant.

DP was a short guy with an average built with weird hairdos. His hairstyles used to change like seasons. I was very much afraid he would go bald someday. About his dressings, I have no words to describe them. Hazel Eyes, Beads around his neck, shiny smile and a stud pierced in the left ear. One thing I am sure of is that if DP is in a crowd of his height, there is no way you can miss him.

He was in his mid twenties. But with that only experience of life, he had so much to give to one who was almost one and a half times his age. He was an extremely intellectual guy, though didn’t look like. An accolade for his friends, including me, a gem for his parents, an asset for his companionship, he was no doubt the person you would ideally like to be.

The short guy seemed happy to everyone, but deep inside him laid a whole lot of world of his discontent, his failures, his hopes, and his thoughts. And that’s the reason I have decided to publish a series on the life of this guy. And yes, to be safer, I have taken the permission from him.

Time to Decide

Well, now that I have been avoiding all decisions in life for after the CAT exam gets over, I need to work on them and make the decisions. Today, while talking on phone, I said, “I have gotta make plans for future”. But now I reconsider my statement and have rephrased it. I don’t need to make plan, but it’s high time that I should take decisions, firm decisions for my life… for our life. (yes, for those vellas who get time to read my blog, and those who still don’t know that I am getting married very soon, now I no longer will use my life as a phrase, as it is no longer just my life. This also explains whom was I talking to on phone, when referred above).

I also make a humble request to all the people who come on this page and take out time to read it. At some point in time, if I have postponed something you said, or we discussed for after the CAT, please let me know. The reason I am asking you to do so is because I have done this innumerous times that even I can’t remember.

I need to take decisions in case I get through the CAT (for which chances are really low) and in case if I don’t. I need to decide from when should I take the leave for the wedding. I need to take decision on the invitees list (don’t wanna miss any person). I have to decide on where I have to shop from. And… blah, blah, blah.

With so many decisions around to be made, I think the most important decision is to decide on what all I have to decide.

Just to begin with the blog again...

We had a Sunday Blast, after a millions of Sundays. It was a fun-filled-evening. We went to Amoeba for bowling. After a Long time, longer than the time I have last posted something on my blog, I saw those ten pins 60 feet away from me, arranged so fantastically. The leader of them was bantering me to hit it with that heavy ball with three holes to accommodate two of my fingers and thumb, saying me that if u hit me on the right place I will make them all come with me to the pit.

But sadly, I could just do it once, the right hit. A quarter of my shots made the ball roll in the gutter. But no regrets, it was fun after ages, just loved to bowl. In between the game another friend of mine who wasn’t so keen to participate in bowl the pins game, whispered, “You know you are the only guy who is so much involved in bowling”. I asked her what she meant. She explained that all others were busy looking at a chinki gal do the bowling. Well after that even I was not so involved in bowling. I mean you can u deviate your eyes from smooth and clean legs extruding out of a black colored short-skirt. Well no more explanations on it.

The evening still had so much in its bag to give, and all it carried was just the fun, and more fun. We left from Amoeba deciding where to have the dinner. And, when it comes to me to decide, I end up to either some junk food outlet, or Italian or Chinese. That evening we settled down on Chinese cuisine, and proceeded for Mainland China.

Well, the food was good, but much better was the company. The waiter asked whether someone wants to eat with chopsticks, and I was sure there was none. Well, I always have people around me to prove me wrong when I am damn sure about things. So, to surprise everyone my friend asked for the chopsticks.

Well, so the food was all set on the table. When it was to eat noodles, my friend ate it not so delicately, but not very clumsily too. But then there were rice too. That time all waiters were eying on one table and that obviously was ours.

The next day I couldn’t stop myself from sending him a link on how to eat food, using chopstick.

The N U M B E R S A K E

For my previous blog, had no names, and just numbers making conversations, I understand, it becomes quite confusing... that too the numbers are in ten-thousands, difficult to remember throughout the post.
There are LOGICAL reasons for assigning the numbers. Firstly, as the names weren't used, it surely means that identities of the characters were intended to be hidden. Secondly, I didn't replace the name with another, cuz there was nothing I could co-relate the other names to those characters and if I would have given some random names, I would have been unfair to them.
Moreover, consider, if I would have randomly picked a guy's name sitting in the same bay in office, I sit in, he could have charged me for harassment. I was just scared to use names. So I assigned the characters some numbers, which according to me can be related to the characters.

P.S. Don't break your head on deciphering the numbers, you will end up nowhere.

Teachings

"Where are you upto Boss? its not yet the weekend. You should be heading to office?" said 36772.
"You are right dude. I am just leaving for office." said 26633, his neighbour."
"with those on your feet?"
26633 didn't understand at once, but then he found the nasty look on 36772's face ridiculing his floaters.
"Don't mind!!! I know your company has no rules on the outfits, but still I think you shouldn't be wearing them to office", continued 36772.
"Oh come on dude. You are not serious. Are you? I like wearing them... (smiling) especially to the office." said 26633.
"Alright... if you please to... so you didn't return home last night."
"I was at one of my friends' place last night, with another of his friends around,(26633 told 36772)and we were not surely on the grounds. {smiles crossed} And different personalities react differently when they are flying high. So there was this guy, 16690, who gets philosophical in such an aura."
"16690 started all kinds of crap(26633 continued...), crap definitely is a super class which has many subclasses..."
"What did he do?" asked 36772.
"Ohhh", 26633 said,"16690 was giving some incidence happened in his life a few days back. This guy was working for IBM when he lastly worked under someone."
"What do you mean by that? He is jobless right now"
"No ra... 16690 now works for himself, he was a web-developer and now runs his own company."
"What's his company's name?", asked 36772.
"You think I was interested in knowing that and that too at the level I was on. He says he makes a lot these days, as he is the only employee of his company"
"So that's good for him, but what was the incidence that had happened?"
"Well, 16690 had been working on a major product for a client, who was charged big bucks for it. And he had been the only one in the organization so he had no software management tool"
"Software Management tool? that's the same thing which logs all the activities done on the code of the project. rite? Which one do you people use in your company?"
(26633 might have thought why is this guy always interested in comparing the tools used in his company with others.)
"Cut that, else I will forget to tell what I was telling you."
36772 nodded blankly.
"So what happened with 16690," continued 26633, "was that his computer on which he had worked for over a month day-in-and-day-out, crashed leaving him with just slag. He was in a situation of starting with scratch."
"Shit! What did he do then?" muzzled 36772.
"He said he had become suicidal and all, but then he resumed his senses, and tried to get most of the data. I don't know whether he lost some data or not, but to show he had a tough time, he told us that he could not recover the whole stuff."
"So??? that wasn't philosophical!!!"
"I know that wasn't. It was just the prelude, dude. The whole night went in just one topic discussion. I couldn't resist giving my ears rest, but I guess it went longer than I can imagine."
"But what was there to discuss?" asked 36772.
"Well 16690's third degree torture had just started. He orated that nature wants everyone to learn things in easy way, our own way, ways we are comfortable in, but if we don't learn it that way, nature makes us learn it the HARD WAY. I am just giving you the essence dude, but the discussion on this had eaten my sleep and night and made me come back to the ground level"
"I can understand and I pity you", sympathised 36772.
"Yes, I mean why on all become so philosophical with these things? And, there is no weight in the crap of nature's HARD WAY of teaching. I couldn't take any more of it, so I slept and started my dream-wagon."
26633 looks at his watch.
"Anyways, I gotta rush to office now", continued 26633, "and you also should get ready for office. BYE"

Two days later was a Friday, 26633 had gone again to his another friend to catch a flight without the air-tickets. He stayed over at his friend's place. And when he was about to leave, the next day, his friend's place. He realised his few things were missing. Someone broke into the house and flicked away 26633's valuable stuff.

Next Monday, when 26633 was rushing for the office in the morning, 36772 asked him, "Where are your floaters, boss?"
26633 said sadly, "They are stolen at my friend's place."
"...if not easy way, Nature makes us learn the HARD WAY", with a-mile-long-smile, 36772 couldn't resist saying.

The Me and the Selves

I had been missing myself all these days, I don't know since when but may be from the time I had been blogging, or from the time I had started to work on a live project, which soon became dead¹, or before I became an earning member of my family², or before I started my graduation, or much before that. I really dont know when but evidently I had been loosing myself, the self I used to admire, the one I used to be proud of, the me I used to call as a person.

It happened with the must of time, through the mist of the thoughts, in the midst of myself. I, many-a-time, think that why I consider myself as singular, when I know I am not one, I am many self, I am the one which has many lookalike, seen just one at a time, with one stream of thought, with one self. But truely its one only for others, I am having all my guises lying deep within me, murmuring constantly to the one the others can see.

Within different parts of time, I have grown many myselves, which are cluttered in my mind, in my solicitude, in my tranquility. I had a scintilla of God in me, and I realised at the same time I was the residence of the Evil too. Both of them had gradually evolved³ and have given me these reflections with various blends.

I might also defend it to the change in the thinking capability of my mind which has given birth to all these ownshooks, but is it truely the creation of my mind solely? I pullulate many questions in my mind giving it a new shape everytime in search of the answer, landing it with a new question and a new self.

These figures have become immortals, a permanent company for me. All of myselves walk on the same legs but follow different paths, all of me see through the same eyes, but see different images, all of us stay in the same mind, minding each others' parts. I want these ghosts to walk out of me, my life, but they will always be there, annoying me at happy times, and making me more sad in the bad times.

I carry my blank face when I want to dump them in the ocean but they bring the smile on my face for no resons, for no good. And then I pray to Him, May the Evil in me always remain!Amen!

---

1 please don't curse me for it as I used to do, for I overheard someone saying that only 20% of the work we do, releases, on an avg. I don't know how true is this but one thing I am sure of is that I no longer feel guilty for it.^back

2 well, though I am saying that I became the earning member of my family. I truely and purely earn for myself. {smiles}^back

3 I am sure, the God evolved long before the Evil planned to reside in me. But I was the one who was enlightening the passage for the Evil to dwell in me, thinking the God is unaware of it. I was lured, and if I think hard I had no other options to grow to where I am right now, I had to let the Evil be part of my thoughts, my talks, my actions... my life.^back

Sugar Less

Cheeni kum hain cheeni kum hain thodi thodi tujh mein hain kum,
kum kum hain kum kum
Dheere Dheere hole hole durr durr hogi problem,
humdum oh humdum
sunle kabhi, kehti hain kya, dil ki sadda bhi

Over the weekend I watched this movie named,

We were little late to buy the tickets yet still got them and sadly the price for getting late was we got the seat in the forth row from the screen, a lil too close.
The Sahenshah of Bollywood appears on the screen. He acts as a perfectionist in the movie, things for him should just go in place as they are supposed to be. In one scene, he explains to one of his cooks in his restaurant that hing(an indian spice) should be put after the oil and then the onion, as the cook doesn't do so. He is just so like me. Friend sitting next to me looks at me as and when the scene is screened with the isn't-that-your-kinda-person look. He blasts on people for the obvious reasons seems unobvious to the other person, and i get the same stare again from my friend.
The movie has just the right amount of everything in it, emotions, drama, comedy, etc. Though the story isn't so catchy, the way it is put up is good. The dialogues are just what are called placed right on time and right on place, just your ears need to be attentive throughout if you don't intend to miss the fun part.
Tabu plays the role of a Delhi girl, just the way they are, straight on face for whatever they are, and to whomsoever they are speaking too, be its her father, or her boy-friend's mother.
On an all, I really enjoyed the movie, a full paisa wasool. It has the right amount of sugar, wasn't a cheenikum for me.

Vending Machine

Proud and Close association with the vending machines in the pantry. Dreams of time when the day start, and the dreams of dreams when it falls. I stay near the vending machine, making the hustling sound as though it's brewing the coffee fresh, but still I know its just the powdered coffee and the creamer it mixes to give me that hot cup of coffee.

Through the sound of that pretentious brewing coffee, a herd of thoughts passes through my mind. Capturing one and capturing other followed by capturing the one I had just left. The one minute wait at the coffee vending machine makes me think of the thousands catch, the one or those I am sure to forget as soon as I reach my desk and power up my monitor.

It is just for the matter of fact that I think of the meeting in the room alone with the girl in that room locked but still not so locked. The way she looked, the smile she bore but still I was so unsure to say yes or no.

Through the same sound I think of calling an old friend of mine, who was in college with me. Though not prepared for any exam with her, I have definitely revised all my subject with her before exams. She complains of me forgetting her, but there were very few in college I spent time with.

In that pretentitious sound I think of the girl I always think of calling up, but never get courage to do so. At the same time I think that I had been thinking a lot over the girls in my life and try thinking of something else, realizing I forgot to think about the girl from the school or the girl in the neighbourhood and many more.

The coffee is ready and then I pick the cup thinking I need to take serious decision in my life... stop doing things those harm me or cost me a little high, start things I had been planning to do.
Everything after I finish this cup of coffee.

Soon I get back to the machine... the same cofffee vending machine, rushing through all the thoughts I just dumped in the trash with the cup of coffee I just finished, thinking on my way I also need to cut down on my coffee, but realizing soon that this vending machine is the best friend I have got in the office, whom I visit the most often, standing next to which I take many decision, staying around this machine I clear my doubts, hence trashing the idea of chopping the number of coffee off.

So I am just going back to meet my friend... thinking tough on thinking something new this time.

Feels good to

come back to the same routine.
Yes now I am back to the same fun life of Bangalore.
May of 2007 is one period, which I will forget after forgetting my name. I was so excited with my trip back home and it turned out to be equally repulsive. Apparently after reaching back to Bangalore the tune of bad news didn't fade off.
Firstly I learnt that the QEA nite party is already thrown and icing on the cake, it was thrown at the Taj. And I broke my bike's mudguard... and there are so many more..
I am still waiting for the more bad news to come. truely... I am waiting and I am all ready to tackle them.

But on an all I am happy to be back to the place I was missing all these days.

Well

i just realised there are so many "Well"s in my previous post. Well, I am not sure why I have put so many "Well"s in my that post. But I wanna get rid of it. Well, so what do i do about that. hmmm... well lets see... no more "well"s now... wats happening to me... why each of my sentence is begining with the same crap "well". oh God help me... Well i know i will only have to do something about it. But i can't do anything about it. Well, but you can obviously. avoid reading those "well"s until I get a way to fix it.

Time to blog

Well, those days are back again… though lately… No more hitting CTRL+SPACE continuously. I know a java developer working on ECLIPSE IDE will definitely understand that… but for others… no more pounds of work. So that’s not the only thing that has come again.

No work and that came with a couple of milk chocolates. Well there was time I used to eat chocolates got on someone’s arrival from onsite. And today after a very loooooong time I got to eat them again.

Well, that’s not it. there is much to come. We have got Orkut access again in our office. Good that the operations’ guys have decided to remove the WebSense blockage.

So with that there are many other sites otherwise inaccessible, becoming easy to surf through. I know you understand what I mean.

And yes, how can I forrget this... getting up again at close to 11 in the morning... (huh? should i call it morning... well i guess so... for me, atleast, its morning)

And more of it… the thing I am rightly doing now… writing blog.

Well, may He keep this change for ever. Amen.

I wanna go home...

... but it’s raining outside... so I thought why not to write a blog. Though I can go home even if its raining… and it’s already too late, but the person with me is against it… and now that he has gone to ease himself, I am doing just what I had been thinking to do since more than 4 hours… write the blog and yes, my iTunes is awake again.

uh!!! I don't have any topic to write on, despite the fact that I had been thinking to write one since long… hmmm… well why not lets discuss the day that just flew away.

It had been a very very bad day, tiring and full of failures. There was no power when I realized mosquitoes buzzing into my ears continuously early in the morning. The day started with such a great negative energy that even that I reached office quite early, I had not been able to fix one problem till lunch. And impressingly, I haven’t done anything other than that.

Well the day was actually full of problems. Things which were running like Mercedes stopped working at all… and 4 person around me pointing it out, making me feel bad… finally one comes to me to console me and tells me “whatever u do, never attach your sentiments with it. Failures are bound to occur… just tell people you will fix it and things are fine again.” I seriously liked the idea.

And see what! at the end of day I am happy, smiling without any reasons(though my cell is completely discharged and i don't have a charger here at office) may be because of the small lesson I learnt today, but one thing is continuously distracting me… when will the rain stop?

Working late nights

Is this by wish or by compelling, but it is true, that I am working late nights. Doing things I want to do the last. All this time, I have stopped doing things I love, like watching movies, listening to songs(all day… There was time when you would have never found me without my earphones hanging from my ears.), going home early, talking to friends, sit in the cafeteria for really long-long time and many others.

I will really have to think hard to recollect when did I talk freely and talk all rubbish stuff with any of my friends. Its good that my friends haven’t realize that I had been working so much that I don’t even bother to click on the play button of the iTunes when I have my earphones tangled around my neck.

I remember once that I had been making fun of one of my friends for working so hard and that too just for peanuts. I had made such a big fuss outta it that his girlfriend literally didn’t talk to him for… to be true I don’t know really how long… but now I am in the same condition… spending hours at office, and not freaking out but working, though not for peanuts but just a little more than that.

The latest number by Justin Timberlake is actually true… “what goes around, goes around… comes round”.

Mere mahaan Desh ke A-Shisht Naujawaan

For a change I tried to come to office a little early. I somehow managed to wake up at 6ish… got ready… and left from home at 8:35. But it didn’t make much of a difference, as I reached office at 9:15. Thanks to the traffic in Bangalore. Though I reached office a little before I generally come.

I had been thinking a lot, whether it is ‘cuz the drivers of the auto-rickshaws and the public buses are all uneducated, and don’t have traffic sense. Those huge buses will enter into the roads just enough to fit themselves, making a huge queue behind them. The auto-rickshaw drivers… my favorite topic of discussion. Auto-rickshaw driver are just what you say reverse sensed aliens on the road.

The general behavior when we take a turn is, we give indicator, look back and sideways and then turn… now the rick-driver’s way… turn, look back and sideways, and then finally peeking out their arm to show they had turned. I mean they do everything required but there is something called as a sequence… (same as when a mother asked a girl what does she wanna do when she grows old, and the girl replies, “I wanna become mother, become graduated, and get married.” The mother shockingly says, “do whatever you want to do but please do it in a proper sequence”)

Well, if I want I can talk and talk about the rick-guys… but that’s not the reason I decided to write a blog on the Bangalore traffic.

Today, I was just dazed to find out another reason for traffic problems. What I saw has changed my whole idea of taking things about being a professional.

When I reached at the first signal (actually a crossing controlled by a traffic police man), the opposite lane was moving. The motors on my side had to wait. I had to take a right turn, like most of them. I stopped my bike behind a vehicle just to the left of the yellow line(in India where the roads are very tight, there are no divider, just a yellow colored line, dividing the traffic flow.) within few vehicles, both four-wheelers and two-wheelers stopped to my right, crossing the yellow line. The result… the opposite moving lane stopped as the road got blocked… and my lane was anyhow not moving.

It took ten minutes for that mess to get cleared…On next signal(an actual traffic-light operated crossing), I had to again stop for the other lane was moving. But I saw a blinking light on the traffic signal, marking free left turn. I had to go straight. So I stopped between the left and right lane(in India there are very few roads with central-lane, as the width can accommodate only two.) I saw many people in the left still waiting. For a second I thought they are dumb not to go ahead as free turn but I realized it soon they didn’t have to take the left turn. But ‘cuz of ‘em those who had to go to left couldn’t go. I could see the frustrations on those poor fellas. But no use.

Well, I forgot to tell you that a couple of those standing at the left actually didn’t even intend to go straight but rather they wanted to take a right. I was completely freaked out. What is the need to stand in the left if you want to go right. There were many behind me, who could have crossed the signal, if those two drivers would have considered struggling through the crossing lane as a “Stupid Act”.

And yes, all those who have got this opportunity to have their mentions in my blog were all well-educated, with an odd of 7 to 9 were carrying laptops(a sign they were cultured), most of them were softie guys, and cent percent youth of “Buland Bharat”.

We are in an urge to grow the traffic sense on the road at least in these people. If we can’t follow, being refined, how do we expect outta those megamoth buses and those inverse-minded rick-drivers.

"sher sabke andar hota hain....

... bas ik ungali karne waala chahiye..." this was a dialogue in a movie I watched on this weekend. Surprisingly I have been very much influenced by it. It had been throughout my mind over the weekend and the days ahead.

I had been thinking how true is this statement. To some extent it is.

As we had seen in the India’s performance in this year ICC Cricket World Cup. It lost its first match with a team, it was least expected to get defeated by. Here comes the “ungali” part… so the “sher” inside the Team India awakens. and it gives an incredibly wonderful performance against Bermuda. I agree that defeating that team was “no big deal”. But be it any team, scoring a massive figures of 413 runs is huge… and defeating by such a wide difference (257 runs) cannot be ignored by anyone.

But then the “sher” goes back to the “invisible mode” and India lost its very next match, and team India packed their bags to return to home. So what do we believe about the saying? True or false?

I am still looking for more examples… real life incidences to come to a conclusion… as in my own life, I haven’t yet bumped into the ungali-guy or ungali-gal…or ungali-incidence.

Anyways whatever it is… it is definitely well said… “sher sabke andar hota hain…”

A Lovely Starting

"What has happened to me??", the first thing I asked myself after I gained my senses after 8 hrs. I looked at the time. It’s just 8:15 am. I wondered for sometime what should I do… I had several options, get out of the bed and brush, keep lying for a li’l while and throw out or keep lying and lying and lying.

I chose the first one. (Surprised??? Even I was… after all it was just 8 something in the morning) so I get up… just to realize what will I do getting up so early. An early start obviously means a longer day ahead. There was time when I liked…or rather loved those long, long days. But now I just feel that night might live a li’l longer.

I decided. Went to the basin, picked my toothbrush and then had an early morning glimpse of myself in the mirror… set my hair… and started brushing. When I got tired of that weird up-down movement of the brush, something clicked to me… NEWSPAPER. Rushed out to get the paper… I went through a few pages, checked my answers for last crossword puzzle… and quite happy with my performance…

I got bored again. I turned on the news channel… few minutes passed and I found myself surfing through channels… got bored… so early… yes I did… anyways thought to drink a cup of tea.

I know it’s a wonderful idea, but no milk at home. I checked my wallet and frowned… NO CASH ( I had to go to the ATM last night only, but I somehow managed to cut short my trip back home from office to buy fuel for the bike today, and yes, that made me plan to draw cash today).

But ATM is quite far. No options. “Lets search for coins around”, my not-so-active mind suggested. Started with the window platform, NO MONEY there… opened the closet, moving my eyes on all the corners of my rack, NO MONEY… but found something interesting: My Traveling Kit. I fiddled around with it. and HURRAY!!! found 2…another 2+1…. Yeah I found 5 bucks. Checked the time again... 8:45 am.

Now I needed 2.50 bucks more. I had been through all my wallets I don’t use now. I peeked in every spot of the house… all the boxes in kitchen. No help. Disappointed, I thought for a while… my TV still nattering something or other… my clock showing 8:55 am.

I looked around, comforted myself in the bed again and….. Zzzz….

Waking Up

I met all my friends from the college and the school. We all went for some party. There was a performer who was to put on a live show, but as always he had not arrived yet. But still it was such a great fun... and then the host made the big announcement... the artist comes on the stage and start singing loud South-Indian Classical Song.

"Now what's that?" After such a long time I had a nice dream and I tried to do everything to stay in it, but ultimately, I had to open my eyes, sit straight and analyze what's happening.

It hadn't taken me more than a few milliseconds to realize that my old-aged landlord is playing some crappy stuff early in the morning at 7:15am. It was so loud that I had mistaken it to be played in my own room.

Now come on, if someone seriously likes something, then what is the need to impose the same on others.

I generally don't listen to rock music loudly in the morning. But this was my answer to my landlord's behavior.

“DOING NOTHING”

It wasn’t that easy to do what we say “doing nothing”.

Whenever I started doing most of the things in life, I considered myself not enough qualified to do them. But for the first time, I succeeded locating something which, I felt, “suits me”… perfectly my kinda work… “doing nothing” is undoubtedly doing nothing.

“doing nothing” is my new project… my new work… The requirements were clear… indeed very clear. I had to come to my desk… sit for hours… and “do nothing”. Looked very alluring, easy-going. It required no particular domain knowledge, no technical wisdom, no communication skills, and no creativity. What it required was just kill-the-time-without-doing-anything certification.

I was sure I had all the traits for the post… and was somehow OKAY with being a part of the “doing nothing” team.

But then the strive for the work began. Initially it all went smooth. No work no cry. I used to carry the I-have-no-work smile on my face. But gradually “doing nothing” that fascinated me… though slightly, but I admit, it did fascinate me… turned into an albatross. The no-work had so much of load in itself that no work can match up to it.

It isn’t that easy to do what we say “doing nothing”.

People started considering me good-for-nothing figure… for that matter, I myself, considered me as one. My I-have-no-work grin moved to Why-don’t-I-have-work grimace.

But now I think… were the requirements really clear? They weren’t. there were assumptions I had made. I built my own castle on the swamp. And now I know it had to knock down. It was never told I had to do nothing. My team wasn’t named “doing nothing”, not either my project was, and not even my work was to “do nothing”.

It was my perception that I had just one work… “doing nothing”, but I could never realize that “doing nothing” is impossible to do. All these time, pretending doing nothing, I crushed my capabilities. Instead of enhancing my skills, I allowed them to rust.

However, now my Why-don't-I-have-work frown turned into I-work-without-any-work energy 'cuz when I was supposedly “doing nothing”, I had done a lot… I had learnt a lot… and now I feel I have written a lot… and you have read a lot… but remember…

It will never be that easy to do what we say “doing nothing”.

IS THIS?

Beyond the extremities,
Afore the foundations,
Revealing my curiosities,
Coining my assumptions.

I searched for my bliss,
And found my misery,
I explored for my aspiration,
And discovered my desertion.

Was it the way or the course,
I was searching them?
Or was it my doom
That brought me the unasked?

During these years of my life,
I modeled many relationships
With my sorrows and grieves,
With my solitary and my dreams.

I live in that social order
Which I created myself,
Though I didn’t intend to
But still I inhabit it.

Is it for my creeds
That I do not amend?
Or is it my hopes
That deteriorates me?

In this uphill struggle,
I bank on my immortal beliefs,
Which give me nothing
More than the deceiving pursues.

I doubt on me when
Others confide in me,
I appraise me when
Others repudiate me.

Is this the query I pose,
That leads me to the Deceptions?
Or is this the answer I provide,
That shapes my uncertain existence?