IS THIS?

Beyond the extremities,
Afore the foundations,
Revealing my curiosities,
Coining my assumptions.

I searched for my bliss,
And found my misery,
I explored for my aspiration,
And discovered my desertion.

Was it the way or the course,
I was searching them?
Or was it my doom
That brought me the unasked?

During these years of my life,
I modeled many relationships
With my sorrows and grieves,
With my solitary and my dreams.

I live in that social order
Which I created myself,
Though I didn’t intend to
But still I inhabit it.

Is it for my creeds
That I do not amend?
Or is it my hopes
That deteriorates me?

In this uphill struggle,
I bank on my immortal beliefs,
Which give me nothing
More than the deceiving pursues.

I doubt on me when
Others confide in me,
I appraise me when
Others repudiate me.

Is this the query I pose,
That leads me to the Deceptions?
Or is this the answer I provide,
That shapes my uncertain existence?