The Me and the Selves

I had been missing myself all these days, I don't know since when but may be from the time I had been blogging, or from the time I had started to work on a live project, which soon became dead¹, or before I became an earning member of my family², or before I started my graduation, or much before that. I really dont know when but evidently I had been loosing myself, the self I used to admire, the one I used to be proud of, the me I used to call as a person.

It happened with the must of time, through the mist of the thoughts, in the midst of myself. I, many-a-time, think that why I consider myself as singular, when I know I am not one, I am many self, I am the one which has many lookalike, seen just one at a time, with one stream of thought, with one self. But truely its one only for others, I am having all my guises lying deep within me, murmuring constantly to the one the others can see.

Within different parts of time, I have grown many myselves, which are cluttered in my mind, in my solicitude, in my tranquility. I had a scintilla of God in me, and I realised at the same time I was the residence of the Evil too. Both of them had gradually evolved³ and have given me these reflections with various blends.

I might also defend it to the change in the thinking capability of my mind which has given birth to all these ownshooks, but is it truely the creation of my mind solely? I pullulate many questions in my mind giving it a new shape everytime in search of the answer, landing it with a new question and a new self.

These figures have become immortals, a permanent company for me. All of myselves walk on the same legs but follow different paths, all of me see through the same eyes, but see different images, all of us stay in the same mind, minding each others' parts. I want these ghosts to walk out of me, my life, but they will always be there, annoying me at happy times, and making me more sad in the bad times.

I carry my blank face when I want to dump them in the ocean but they bring the smile on my face for no resons, for no good. And then I pray to Him, May the Evil in me always remain!Amen!

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1 please don't curse me for it as I used to do, for I overheard someone saying that only 20% of the work we do, releases, on an avg. I don't know how true is this but one thing I am sure of is that I no longer feel guilty for it.^back

2 well, though I am saying that I became the earning member of my family. I truely and purely earn for myself. {smiles}^back

3 I am sure, the God evolved long before the Evil planned to reside in me. But I was the one who was enlightening the passage for the Evil to dwell in me, thinking the God is unaware of it. I was lured, and if I think hard I had no other options to grow to where I am right now, I had to let the Evil be part of my thoughts, my talks, my actions... my life.^back